Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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