I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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