If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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