sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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