apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize