All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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