What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
