Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
