he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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