yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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