And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
