Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
