She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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