Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
