Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.