Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.

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  (604): And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life. http://tfl.nu/s6zp
  Replies (16) Good night (620) Bad night (4117)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.

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  (719): There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night. http://tfl.nu/1i28
  Replies (14) Good night (5139) Bad night (1285)
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  (510): View more from California

  just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?

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  (510): just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right? http://tfl.nu/dlby
  Replies (57) Good night (4141) Bad night (883)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

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  (330): just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months. http://tfl.nu/uiec
  Replies (28) Good night (915) Bad night (5255)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.

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  (314): There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already. http://tfl.nu/afo0
  Replies (14) Good night (4788) Bad night (918)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again

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  (732): hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again http://tfl.nu/ne0q
  Replies (23) Good night (1580) Bad night (7646)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.

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  (440): basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out. http://tfl.nu/kbtu
  Replies (3) Good night (802) Bad night (2667)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.

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  (832): Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint. http://tfl.nu/g066
  Replies (1) Good night (857) Bad night (1802)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

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  (505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w
  Replies (12) Good night (819) Bad night (2470)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass

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  (541): definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass http://tfl.nu/ukpo
  Replies (6) Good night (1576) Bad night (722)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.

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  (724): I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported. http://tfl.nu/ojxl
  Replies (15) Good night (3969) Bad night (749)
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  (831): View more from California

  im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public

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  (831): im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public http://tfl.nu/cxwk
  Replies (2) Good night (1229) Bad night (496)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook

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  (775): Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook http://tfl.nu/cps5
  Replies (5) Good night (1554) Bad night (480)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.

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  (281): Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success. http://tfl.nu/agha
  Replies (1) Good night (1807) Bad night (729)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.

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  (603): I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty. http://tfl.nu/jo6d
  Replies (5) Good night (316) Bad night (685)

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