google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
