It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen