Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What are we going to do tonight?

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What we try to do every night. Take over the world

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  (919): What are we going to do tonight? (704): What we try to do every night. Take over the world http://tfl.nu/y4va
  Replies (30) Good night (4643) Bad night (923)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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  (443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9
  Replies (3) Good night (809) Bad night (2821)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

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  (717): one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9" http://tfl.nu/v0g1
  Replies (52) Good night (4727) Bad night (1043)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I hope you meant gum...

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  (410): We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day. (1-410): I hope you meant gum... http://tfl.nu/fcg7
  Replies (36) Good night (5201) Bad night (1208)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.

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  (920): Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out. http://tfl.nu/bwpe
  Replies (7) Good night (1600) Bad night (4739)
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  (347): View more from New York

  ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.

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  (347): ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down. http://tfl.nu/rocj
  Replies (4) Good night (2030) Bad night (1377)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you

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  (303): The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you http://tfl.nu/278m
  Replies (19) Good night (1459) Bad night (2626)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon

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  (647): Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon http://tfl.nu/dflk
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (1168)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.

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  (413): She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list. http://tfl.nu/zy3q
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (1223)
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  (347): View more from New York

  maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

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  (347): maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life http://tfl.nu/rmnc
  Replies (4) Good night (573) Bad night (1093)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.

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  (425): Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage. http://tfl.nu/p8gy
  Replies (13) Good night (574) Bad night (2177)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE

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  (443): Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE http://tfl.nu/kvc0
  Replies (9) Good night (1232) Bad night (480)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.

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  (780): I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities. http://tfl.nu/3c8w
  Replies (2) Good night (473) Bad night (742)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised

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  (614): i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised http://tfl.nu/gtie
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (523)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.

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  (785): The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover. http://tfl.nu/dvfq
  Replies (1) Good night (853) Bad night (255)

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