Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.