last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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