I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
