went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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