I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
