im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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