Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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