I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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