im six kinds of drunk right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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