I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
