My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize