i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
