I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
