Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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