yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
