It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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