he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
