My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
