u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
