That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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