benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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