we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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