We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
