I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
