so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
