She's JV to your varsity
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
