I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ladies don't puke and tell
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
