i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
