so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
soo... how was my night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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