I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
