Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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