Already got asked if we're dating
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
