The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she pinky promised me she was 18
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
