Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
