I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
