Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
