Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
