Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
