My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
