this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
