what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
