There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
