I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
