You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
