They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
