You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
