i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
