Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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