Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
