you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
