There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
