if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
