remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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