what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
