Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
