SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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