Quick, to the slutcave!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
