I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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